can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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