break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
