he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
