I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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