put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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