I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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