I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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