I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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