Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Randomize
