If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
