he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
