seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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