Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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