ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
