he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
We are two peas in an std pod
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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