made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
