He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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