not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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