I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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