I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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