new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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