Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
