life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
