Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
