You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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