you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
