ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Randomize
