we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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