I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
