Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
