Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
