You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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