Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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