I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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