your room smells of hookers.
And success
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
