new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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