am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
