She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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