I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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