Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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