i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
