why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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