is your mom at the bar?
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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