Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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