Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
