Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
