YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Randomize
