don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
