you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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