Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
