Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
