i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
